Grief

The feeling deep in the pit of your stomach, the ringing in your ears, the numbness in your fingers and toes, the dry tongue that is cleaving to the roof of your mouth, tears that are trying to escape but you are so desperately holding them back. You are trying to make sense of it all, yet nothing makes sense. Inside you are shouting at God while on the outside you are trying to hold it together, maybe for your children or spouse. That constant ringing in your ears is not going away and now you are feeling faint and want to be left alone. You need to eat but the thought makes you sick, your eyes are burning from lack sleep but the darkness scares you. You close your eyes taking a deep breath praying that when you open them all is right with the world. You cry out to the Lord to help you with the grief and the pain, you blame yourself. How will I get over this loss?

What do you say to someone who has lost a loved one?

Words don't feel right.

A card feels so impersonal.

Is grief from the loss of a child more intense than the loss of an elderly parent? Or the pregnacy ending in a still birth? What about the car accident on the way home from a baseball game? The loss of a marriage that ends in divorce?

I have seen my share of death and grieving as a nurse and experienced grieving after the loss of a loved one.

The one and only way to survive this emotion is faith. Knowing why we were created and for what we were created. Does this "knowing" magically erase all our emotions and pain? No. What is does is give us comfort.

As a Catholic I believe in Heaven/Hell and Purgatory. I know there is life after death, the life that we are were created for-the Beatific Vision. This does give me deep comfort. I still cry and mourn the loss, mourn the "what could have been", mourn the emptiness, but deep down I feel the peace.

This inner peace may take a long time for some, maybe there is guilt or blame. It is important to go through the grieving process in whatever order it takes. It is also important to have people around you that can help you through that grief and not "force" you to move past when you are not ready.

Red Bird Ministries is a Catholic non-profit grief support ministry founded by a husband and wife after the loss of their twins Talon at 15 months then Emma Grace 3 years later. They suffered and battled darkness in their marriage for over a decade. They were able to heal their marriage and felt the call to help others. Red Bird Ministries has a wealth of information and support available.

We are not meant to suffer alone, nor to live in grief.

“Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus — a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”

St. Teresa of Calcutta